What is the story you are telling yourself and others?
Is it one of hope and love? For yourself? For others?
Are these conscious thoughts? Are they habit?
Do you find yourself criticizing yourself? Cutting others down?
We ALL do it to some extent… it is part of human nature to make observations of how we want or don’t want to look, feel, behave, etc. So my questions are really:
- How many times do we do it out of HABIT?
- How many times do we do it to make ourselves feel better?
I personally find it sad that the norm and acceptable behavior is to criticize. To put each other down and then to turn that negative and degrading talk to ourselves.
Why can’t we be happy for each other? Happy for ourselves?
Outward criticism is a reflection of how we feel about ourselves. When we judge others, we are judging ourselves. What are the messages you are telling yourself minute by minute? What are the messages we are telling each other?
A big part of my mission with the SKFitLife Challenged and the SKFitGurls membership was to bring together a group of women to support and encourage each other. No judgment… just love. I wanted to create a community where we could share struggles and triumphs and to have a genuine sense of belonging.
Are you reading this and thinking, “but I can’t change how OTHERS treat each other”? You DO have the power. You can choose to walk away from gossip. You can choose to tune out the negative messages. You can choose to be kind yourself.
“The disrespectful world is made better or worse minute by minute for each individual participant in it, in a mirror reflection of two things: the person’s own self-image and the respect for others.”
Having more self-awareness will cue you in on being overly critical of yourself and of others. When you find that you are speaking poorly about yourself or others, take a deep breath and ask yourself why you’re feeling this way. What do you hope to gain from this?
“Persons with adequate self-esteem don’t feel hostile toward others; they aren’t out to prove anything. They can see facts more clearly and aren’t as demanding in their claims on other people.”
Are you trying to make yourself feel better about the choices you have made in your life? Do you feel the need to complete everything perfectly and you are not able to live up to those expectations?
This cycle of judgments against yourself and others doesn’t just make life harder and waste precious energy on the wonderful things we could be experiencing, but the hurtful words also harm the person who is speaking them… it makes us feel badly…
Fellow fitness friend from CurlyGirlFitLife, Melissa Toler, shared this quote with me during our last workout session before I left Philly, “Some people go around collecting enemies.”
Until I began my “Audio Education” where I started listening to HOURS of audio programs to pass the time during my YEARS of long commutes, I was going through life thinking this was the normal too! Watching reality television shows… talk shows…
If the answer to, “why do you like watching that show” is, “because it makes me feel better to see someone else’s life even more screwed up than mine,” that is a sign that you may want to re-evaluate…
“Magically, when there is no enemy within, there are far fewer without.”
If gossip is the equivalent of spitting poison at others, how does the negative self-talk manifest in ourselves? In things such as unfulfilled dreams. Unrealized potential. Disordered eating.
I have had several messages over the past couple weeks about two topics I am asked about frequently:
- Binge eating, the emotional toll it takes, the guilt, the eventual weight gain, and the big question of HOW TO STOP THE CYCLE. How to get off of that roller coaster.
- Not being able to stick to a fitness routine. Starting and stopping. Inconsistency. Lack of results due to this inconsistency.
Step 1: Stop condemning yourself and others in your mind and in your words. We are all human and we all make mistakes. When you forgive someone else, you are really giving yourself the gift of forgiveness. And you should always forgive yourself. Don’t put yourself through the torture of reliving your mistakes. You are NOT your mistakes so why live like you are?
This image was shared by my good friend, Michelle MacDonald. She is one of the most loving and caring people I know. Her love and light shines incredibly bright and I highly recommend following along in her journeys at Your Healthy Hedonista Facebook Fan Page and her website (www.yourhealthyhedonista.com):
Step 2: Work towards genuine caring about others and yourself. It is extremely easy to criticize and it is harder to identify the good, but when you spend more and more time giving love to the great things in life, you give less time and energy to the things you do not love. Give yourself credit for the accomplishments you have achieved and be kind and understanding of others.
Of course, if something is not working and you are not getting the results you were hoping for, re-evaluate your goals. Are they achievable?
For an example of a physical goal, one of the most frequent situations I see is someone who wants to build a specific body part… abs for example. I am 5’9”… I have a very long structure… for me, building “bricks” for abs is SUPER challenging and would take literally years and a TON of specific training. Someone who is 5’0” and has really short muscles will most likely have an easier time of achieving that “6-Pack Abs” look.
Does it mean that I don’t work on my abs? No… it just means that I am aware of how my body is structured which affects my goal setting.
Step 3: When others are throwing fuel on an emotional fire, be the one to show up with a bucket of water. So much more is accomplished this way and you will walk away feeling free and good versus feeling guilty and ashamed of the verbal and emotional poison you’ve spread.
Step 4: Continue on the path of love, light, and happiness. We are inundated with these negative behaviors on a daily basis and come to think of it, there isn’t a day that goes by when I don’t hear at least one judgmental comment especially if the television or radio is on. Work to see the beauty in people, places, and things, and remember unless you have walked in someone else’s shoes you can’t judge and if you had walked in their shoes you probably wouldn’t be judging so harshly.
Treat others with kindness… treat yourself with kindness…
“I no longer agree to treat myself with disrespect. Every time a self-critical thought comes to mind, I will forgive the Judge and follow this comment with words of praise, self-acceptance, and love.”
― Miguel Ruiz
